Anyone who has done a dot-to-dot will know that it’s not always easy to tell what the picture is until most of, if not all, the dots have been connected. Or, at least for the more complicated versions it can be more difficult to see the picture beforehand.
At the moment, my relationship with Abba seems to involve joining the dots between little girl me and adult me, so that the healing of my heart and the renewing of my mind can take place. This seems to be a rather remarkable process and a rather awesome experience.
There seem to be several pictures of dot-to-dot overlapping in my life, at the moment. I can’t yet see the big picture, but I’m enjoying connecting some of the dots.
This morning, during my morning coffee with Abba I was able to join some more dots.
I was reading Psalm 71. Several verses assisted me in connecting the dots. These are the verses:
For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth. From my birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you. (Verses 5-6).
Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvellous deeds. Even when I am old and grey, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come. Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honour and comfort me once again. (Verses 17-21).
I think it’s going to be difficult to describe the dots that I’m connecting, because they are deeply personal, but I’ll try to do so coherently.
Basically, I have discovered that Abba is gradually and gently connecting ‘little girl’ me to Himself, while simultaneously connecting her to adult me. However, there are a lot of complex strands which need re-wiring and re-connecting so that it works well for health, renewal, growth, and transformation.
As I was growing up I developed a strong core belief of what God was like. I believed that God was mean and would punish me if I were naughty. I had no reason to believe that this was untrue. I had no evidence of him not being a mean father in the sky. I still loved him though and did my best to please him by keeping his law as best as I could. I still longed for comfort and connection with him and did experience more gentle experiences of him. I used to imagine him comforting me and stroking my hair when I was crying in bed.
Since I turned 30 (I’m now 33 for those who don’t know), I started the remarkable and life changing journey of discovery where I’m gaining fresh insight of the LORD. I’m gradually learning about and glimpsing the good Father heart of God, whom I know as Abba, Jesus as brother and Saviour, who died on the cross so that I can live in freedom rather than fear, and Spirit who is so many things not least comforter and guide.
Over the past two months I have re-discovered the comfort I can go to in my imagination. I have been able to go to Abba and climb up for a cuddle while he strokes my hair. Abba is the best daddy ever, and it’s really helping me to become more joined up. It’s really helping me in my recovery. It’s really helping me in my relationships. It’s really helping me in my walk as a disciple. I think it’s also helping me to write and be creative in other ways.
Thank you Abba for joining the dots.