Hallelujah Moments

This morning, during my morning coffee with Abba, I had a ‘hallelujah moment’.

I was reading Lisa Bevere’s book The True Measure of a Woman, the chapter on self-image. I marked a lot of the chapter because it hit a lot of personal things that I’m struggling with at the moment.

One of the disorders I have is an eating disorder. I have had an eating disorder for nearly 20 years. I think I’m fat. I am convinced of it and then restrict my intake of food – usually by having one meal a day. After 20 years my body lives off very little food, which means that there are some days where I don’t eat at all and not even hungry. I strive to be thinner – it’s a big problem for me. I’m told I’m not fat, but I’m conflicted because my eyes tell me something different.

The chapter spoke about this, and other issues. Then Lisa refereed to Scripture. Hebrews 4: 14-16 says, ‘Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.‘ I marked it with the words Amen and Hallelujah 🙂 

Although this Scripture doesn’t specifically tackle eating disorders, it tackles weaknesses generally. I know that my disorders (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Personality Disorder-Trait Specified, and eating disorder) need to be re-ordered. I know that there is a lot ‘wrong’ within me. I know what sins I struggle with. I know that I sometimes behave destructively towards myself. But, I’m beginning to accept that Jesus offers me grace – even though I don’t deserve it and even though I struggle, a lot, with sin. I’ve accepted it for others – everyone else deserves grace from me and our LORD – but struggled, so much, to even begin to accept it for myself.

My pastor bangs on about a lot of things. He has been banging on a lot recently about grace and acceptance. I’m starting to adopt his point of view, but I don’t like just taking his word for it! (He knows I’m difficult!!)

I like it when I read in a book the same message that I’ve heard at church the Sunday before. It tells me that the Spirit is working. It means that I finally have to admit that it’s true and get on with working alongside the LORD as He works on transforming my mind and healing my heart, one step at a time.

Wherever you sit with regards to loving and accepting yourself – whether it comes easily, or not, or you haven’t started it yet – remember this: you are loved and accepted by our LORD. His love is complete and everlasting and He longs for you to see your worth as He does.

I’ll try to remember it for myself; when the dark days come – as they surely will!

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