Yesterday I sunk into a pit of despair. I fell quickly. It’s a place I know well, but haven’t been for a while. When I fell, I felt like giving up and doing the inevitable – self destructive behaviours.
I managed to keep myself safe for several hours, but by 5.15pm I was completely exhausted – emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. I asked my husband to come home from work and then I went to lay down in the dark. I lay in fetal position. I was distressed and saw no way out.
My youngest daughter came in. She stroked my hair and gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead. She then quietly and gently whispered, ‘it will be OK mummy, you will be OK mummy. Let go and let God’. She’s remarkable. I still felt trapped by the deep pit, but her words comforted me. Then my husband made me some tea and gently convinced me to go to art group. I’m glad he did. I found it hard work but I thoroughly enjoyed making art and the company.
When I got home I was feeling very condemned and scared by the response I faced from my husband about what was going on for me – his response was understandable and justifiable, but I didn’t like it much. I then took two of my PRN (emergency medication for my mental health disorders).
This morning I had some pastoral care, via email, from a few people close to me and I now feel much better. I now feel much better able to face everything again. Jesus, by using others, has helped me climb up and out of my pit of despair and I’m, once again, standing on solid ground.
I’m feeling thankful, and blessed.
© Hannah Kirk 2019