I’ve missed writing, but I’ve struggled to get back into it. My mental health hasn’t been great recently, but, having said that I’ve actually taken some positive steps in my recovery. Of course, if I stop to look back on the past month, it’s been filled with lots of blessings. One of the biggest blessings has been starting pet photography.
Despite the blessings, I suffered with symptoms of my mental health disorders – but each day I’ve bounced back and come back fighting.
One of the things I’ve learned – the hard way! – is that when the time comes to let go of something, it’s probably better to get on with it than rebel and stick your heels in. This month I’ve faced that choice, repeatedly, and each time I’ve rebelled – I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO IT. The person that I’ve felt ask me to let stuff go is Abba (my heavenly Father). In proper child-like style I’ve had a strop over it and wrestled with Him over it. I’m finally starting to let go (and let God work in and through me), but it’s tough. I’d, still, rather not do as I’ve been asked. But, after several weeks of rebelling, and my mental health suffering as a result, I’ve taken a deep breath today, and I now intend to give it a go.
So, now starts the long, and painful, but potentially healing process of letting go. Letting go of hatred, anger, jealousy, pain, past experiences, control, etc. I’m scared, but I know that starting this journey will be worth it in the long run. I also know that I’ve got to the point where holding onto the hurt and anger, etc. is more costly than letting it go and letting God heal my heart and renew my mind through it.
Then, once I’ve started to unwrap all of the destructive packages, unpacked them, sorted through them, and put back what’s needed and thrown the rest away – I shall have to keep, continually, on top of it and learn how to manage it for the rest of my life. I think I know where to find the support I need as I unpack this stuff! But, pray for me, please.