I’m devastated

I’m completely devastated. What am I going to do now? The one I loved more than anyone else is dead. Perhaps more importantly, the only person who has ever loved me is dead. Even though it was never romantic, or sexual, it was the best sort of love anyone could wish for. The gentle but everlasting love called agape. Everyone else just sees a crazy and shameful woman. The worst of all humanity.

I can’t believe it. He warned me this would happen, he knew it was time, but I just didn’t want to believe him. I can’t stop crying. The pain I feel is immense.

He suffered so badly at the end; suffered so much pain. I could hardly watch. To have the humiliation of a beating, then hanging on a cross and then to top it off a spear in his side. So much blood. His blood and tears dripping on me as I knelt at the foot of the cross – reminiscent of when I washed his feet with my tears. He then breathed his last breath.

I wonder whether he knew how much I loved him?

I’ll never forget him; I hope you won’t either…

(This is my own interpretation of what it might have been like to have been Mary Magdalene on the first Good Friday)

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