Part of my recovery involves me learning how to manage, and cope with, the knocks of life. Until recently I was not equipped for even the slightest of knocks. Over the past few years I’ve developed a tool kit to enable me to grow my resilience and resistance in challenging or emotionally charged circumstances.
The clearest I have seen how far I have come in my recovery, so far, was when I woke up this morning. I faced a very big knock yesterday. I wobbled, but I didn’t fall!! This is a remarkable achievement. I’d obviously like to say that it’s because I’m better. I’m not! I’ve still got an awfully long way to even remotely be considered ‘stable’ or ‘normal’, but nevertheless, I’m encouraged by my progress.
Usually, a knock similar to that which I experienced yesterday would have knocked me completely over and would have left me unable to get up for a rather long time. I would have tried to harm myself or run away. Tempted though I was, I (willingly and determinedly) resisted.
So, how did I do it? Well a lot of it comes down to mindset – believing that I can recover and choosing to act on it. I did need to take my PRN, but I implemented a lot of other techniques to soothe myself too. I listened to worship music, I prayed, I read, I relaxed, I ate (which is particularly good because I’d normally starve myself). I thought rationally about things. I used mindfulness techniques. I kept myself safe. The other ‘parts’ of my identity got rather vocal, and I found it very difficult not to listen to them and not let them take over. But, I’m encouraged by the fact that I did remain ‘in control’ where once I wouldn’t have even known how or even that I can.
I’m thankful to Abba and Jesus for their part in my recovery. They really are healing my heart and renewing my mind. Slowly, but surely.
Dissociative disorders are not nice, but they are possible to recover from. That hope keeps me going and keeps me fighting. The other disorders that I have are also recoverable. I’m slowly recovering from them all, by God’s grace.