I've had a tough week, for a variety of reasons. Despite my positive last post I've been sorely tempted to give up with my recovery. I even spent a few days last week feeling suicidal again. I didn't act on it and rested instead - seeking appropriate support and taking my 'emergency' medication. I managed… Continue reading Just When I was About To Give Up!
Part of my recovery involves me learning how to manage, and cope with, the knocks of life. Until recently I was not equipped for even the slightest of knocks. Over the past few years I've developed a tool kit to enable me to grow my resilience and resistance in challenging or emotionally charged circumstances. The… Continue reading Weebles Wobble But They Don’t Fall Down!
I'm learning so much about myself at the moment - during a time of self-help, self-discovery, and self-taught recovery. I'm learning about why I respond and react in certain ways, and how I can recover from my disorders. This journey started in 2013, but intensified in 2015, and has started to plateau into a slightly… Continue reading Parts
This morning I wrote a blog about my experience of dissociation. As a result I've gained some further insight, which I'd like to share with you. Firstly, I thought I'd clarify that although on paper it reads to be similar to 'day dreaming' or where ones mind wanders, it's almost completely different to that. I'll… Continue reading Dissociation Part 2
As I sit at work, in tears, I've decided I'd like to try to explain something to you. I fear doing so because of the stigma associated with it, but I feel the need to be brave - if nothing else I could do with some support, love, and indeed prayers. Anyone who has followed… Continue reading Dissociation
I've missed writing, but I've struggled to get back into it. My mental health hasn't been great recently, but, having said that I've actually taken some positive steps in my recovery. Of course, if I stop to look back on the past month, it's been filled with lots of blessings. One of the biggest blessings… Continue reading I’m Back!
[Trigger Warning!] I don't have a Grim Reaper; I have a Black Dog Rather than a lead He offers me a noose. Darkness - all consuming So much to tempt me, so much attractiveness in death. Death looks like losing the fight to some; But looks like winning freedom to me. Cutting, overdoses, and hanging,… Continue reading Black
I'm not musical, at all, but I listen to music most of the day - every day. I love all sorts of music. I have a tendency to listen to the same album or playlist over and over again. I feel inspired to paint what I 'see' when I listen to music. When I saw… Continue reading Music And Art
When I was pregnant, with my youngest, I suffered from Hyperemesis - a severe form of 'morning' sickness. The safest I felt was in hospital- I'd cry when they sent me home. I knew that it wouldn't be long before I was back in, on a drip. I feel a bit like that now; this… Continue reading It’s Hard To Keep Going
I wrote the below poem at 4am this morning. I wrote rather than cut. I haven't cut since May 2018. Which is an achievement in itself. My shiny friend of stainless steel Grinning at me with her razor sharp teeth Longing to offer me comfort and relief That only she can; or so she says.… Continue reading Crimson Tears